Lately I've begun to wonder whether my sense of humor is something I can lose, which is actually really scary to me. It's not that I don't laugh anymore, but it's so rare when I do that I surprise myself, especially when I look back and think about the last time I busted a gut.

I don't think my funny bone is gone, but some days it's almost as if I can feel my humor fading, and that feeling certainly doesn't help. Day after day I just feel beaten down by so much of life's minutia; bills, debt, school, and work are the heavy contenders. I know this is all a part of life, but it still hurts. Only 2 years ago, my biggest worries were about whose house my friends and I would be meeting at, and how loudly I could play my guitar before the neighbors would be over to complain(answer: not loud enough).

I know those completely carefree days probably won't ever return in their previous form, but there has to be some way of balancing the needs of my head with the needs of my heart. I honestly don't mean to be melodramatic, it's just the way I feel.

For the next few weeks(months? years? lifetimes?) I'll be looking for a way to level out.